Alan & Barbara, 1-25-18

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Another month passes without newsworthy copy. What a boring life I lead. Still, I guess the old adage holds; no news is good news.

Bud Smith (Brittney's father) planned to take ALH3 et al to the Pima Air Museum, and they invited me to accompany them. I suspected that ALH3 was young enough that he would not be able to connect the shiny dots streaking across the sky (in which he shows an unusual interest) with the chunks of metal and rubber sitting on the ground in a museum, but I rarely turn down a chance to look at aircraft so I went with them.

I couldn't have been more wrong. ALH3 was almost beside himself with excitement as he looked at, touched, and played with the multitude of exhibits there. In spite of installing new batteries (Dollar Store Brand) in my camera just prior to leaving home, it quit after taking only four pictures, so my photo documentation is less than I might have desired.

Hanging from the rafteres of the entrance hanger is a Taylorcraft with a paint scheme very similar to the one I owned many years ago. The display model was a BC-12D, while mine was a BL65. They are very similar and both had 65 horsepower engines, but the BC's engine was built by Continental and the BL's was built by Lycoming. It hurts to see a plane that was so much fun stuck in a static display, knowing that it will never fly again. Still, nothing lasts forever.

I don't don't remember the source of this photo, but apparently I have a grandson with a future in politics.

I broke another tooth. I happened to be flossing it at the time. It turned out to be a minor thing, requiring only $1450.00 and a root canal to fix.

A couple of weeks ago, I arose, dressed, went about my daily routine of eating, taking care of the dog, working in the shop, etc. About noon I sat down at the computer, glanced down at my feet, and was greeted by this sight. I can't imagine how I went that long without noticing that something was not exactly right. The day when I'll be able to hide my own Easter eggs is drawing closer.
A few years ago, during a season when I dressed in the dark, I arrived at work wearing non-matching socks; one black and the other dark blue (indistinguishable under low light conditions). A coworker pointed out the mismatch, and I acknowledged it but remarked that the real anomaly was that I had another pair just like them at home...

I finally gave up hope of ALH3 baby photos magically appearing on grandmasweb, and so reverted to the axiom my mother used to express dissatisfaction with my efforts (If you want something done, and done right, do it yourself.). I'm pleased that a chronology of images does exist. I took many photos of my kids, but fixing a time frame for them didn't cross my mind (Why document the obvious?). The result was a belated semi-blind assignment to an approximate era, and even that has elements of uncertainty associated with it. So kudos for the numbered apparel.

Abbie has discovered that she has a sense of humor (it must have skipped a generation, given her mother' lack) and we have been exchanging corny jokes, puns, limericks, doggerel, Tom Swifties, etc. Recently, Abbie suggested to Kyle that he might like to join. He acquiesced, but to this point has not been particularly prolific with his contributions. If there others who would like to join in, and contribute to, this ostentatiously excessive jocularity, we would welcome you.

Abbie allowed me to post our efforts to this point. Obviously this is a work in progress.

What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows. What did the pig say to the beach on a hot summer day? I'm bakin' (bacon). Texting:
Me: What do IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?
You: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
Me: Ok, I'll ask your sister. When I found out that my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked! To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice a large as it needs to be.

When I was in high school, I was in a rock band called, "Lost Dog."
You've probably seen our posters... A photon walks into a hotel and the concierge asks, "Do you need help with your luggage?" The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light." A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam Why do people not get hungry at the beach? Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there.

Resistance is not futile. It is voltage divided by currant. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. How many spoiled rich girls does it take to change a light bulb? None! She just says, "Daddy, I need a new apartment." How many birthdays have you had? Only one. The others were anniversaries of that date. There was a old man with a beard
Who said "It's just as I feared
Two owls and a hen
Four larks and a wren
Have all made a nest in my beard!"

I love the way the earth rotates. It really makes my day. One of the planets in our solar system is called Saturn. It is 700 times larger than the earth, but it is less dense than water. So, if you had a bath tub large enough, it would float. But of course, it would leave a ring around the tub. There once was a gentleman whose parents named him "odd." Growing up he had all sorts of problems being teased about his name, and eventually came to hate it. He married, had kids and lived a relatively normal life. When he grew old and was nearing death, he asked his wife and kids not to put his name on his tombstone. He died and, after some discussion, his family decided to honor that wish. Now, when people walk by his grave and notice a headstone with no name, they shake their heads and say, "That's odd." 3 drunk men get into a taxi the driver sees that they are inebriated and turns the ignition on and off again, than says "We have reached your destination." One man pays him the second thanks him and the third slaps him. Surprised by this and thinking the third drunk knows his trick he ask "What was that for?" The third man says "Watch your speed next time, you nearly killed us!" You know what's odd? Every other number.

How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it. Someone just walked in and ask me, what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question, and left. What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid. The meaning of opaque is unclear... You matter! Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared... then you energy.

My friend told me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" because it was annoying. I laughed because I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face. Who designed king Arthur's round table? Circumference. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium. I'm trying to make chemistry jokes... But I get no reaction. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting tomatoes in fruit salad, and philosophy is wondering if ketchup is a smoothie.

We must run, Tom said swiftly. That prisoner is sliding down a rope, Tom said condescendingly. I'm chilled, Tom said icily. I love hotdogs, Tom said with relish. That's the last time I'll reach into a crocodile's mouth, Tom said offhandedly.

What did the cat do after he lost his tail? He went to the retail store. What Forest Gumps wifi password? 1forest1. A dyslexic poet writes inverse. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism. How many Germans does it take to fix a light bulb? One, because they're efficient and not very funny.

What kind of fish is made from only two sodium atoms? 2 Na How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized (un-ionized, union-ized). 6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9 but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day. A guy gave his sad friend 10 puns hoping one would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did. Eyelashes are supposed to keep things out of your eyes, but whenever there's something in my eye it's always an eyelash. How eyeronic.

The invention of the shovel was truly ground breaking, but the invention of the broom is what really swept us away. Please, the invention of the wheel is what really got things rolling! I purchased my pistol from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet but I don't know Y. A dozen, a gross, and a score
plus three times the square root of four
divided by seven
plus five times eleven
equals nine squared and not a bit more. 54, 208, 305
Take from the mean the cubed value of five
Take the cubed root and then
Square the value again
At that point you could learn to drive.

Why don't football players use a basketball? Well actually they could, but there would be no point to it. I'm trimming my own hair, Tom said evenly. What do you get when you cross a peanut with an elephant? Peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth. What did the ship captain do when he lost his propulsion system? He found one that was on sail. Do you know how to identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.

RIP boiled water. You will be mist. Bad puns. That's how eye roll. Waldo wears a stripped shirt because he doesn't want to be spotted. In English class I learned that using a double negative is a no-no. They asked the turkey to join the band because he had the drum sticks.

Why did Star Wars movies 4, 5, & 6 come before movies 1, 2, & 3? Because of in charge of directing Yoda was. Tonight I am going to use my time machine to make some changes in the past. You will know that I was successful if Germany loses WWII and Tuesday comes before Wednesday... I like sidewalks. They keep me off the streets. I make corny chemistry jokes, but only periodically. Seven days without a pun makes one week.

What do you call a dinosaur with a huge vocabulary? A therasaurus. You can't run through a campground. You can only ran, because it is past tents. What did the tie say to the hat? I'll hang around, you go on ahead. What happened shortly after Sam and Ella got married? They got food poisoning. Someome was running a flea circus, but a dog came along and stole the show.

Please write on my tombstone, "Not appreciating my puns in life was a grave mistake." April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. If two is company and three is a crowd, what are four and five?
Nine If you threw a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become?
Wet. There once was a young boy named Cid
Who thought he knew more then he did
He thought that a shark
would turn tail if you bark
So he swam out to try it, poor kid

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. Any salad can be a Caesar Salad if you stab it enough. Remember kids, the only difference between messing around and science is writing it down! How much dirt do you have to put in the ocean to make a new country? None, apparently you just need to throw in a few boxes of tea. .

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What do you call someone with no body and a nose? Nobody knows.	What did the pig say to the beach on a hot summer day? I'm bakin' (bacon).	Texting: Me: What do IDK, LY, & TTYL mean? You: I don't know, love you, talk to you later. Me: Ok, I'll ask your sister.	When I found out that my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!	To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice a large as it needs to be.
When I was in high school, I was in a rock band called, "Lost Dog." You've probably seen our posters...	A photon walks into a hotel and the concierge asks, "Do you need help with your luggage?" The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."	A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."	What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? Dam	Why do people not get hungry at the beach? Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
Resistance is not futile. It is voltage divided by currant.	What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.	How many spoiled rich girls does it take to change a light bulb? None! She just says, "Daddy, I need a new apartment."	How many birthdays have you had? Only one. The others were anniversaries of that date.	There was a old man with a beard Who said "It's just as I feared Two owls and a hen Four larks and a wren Have all made a nest in my beard!"
I love the way the earth rotates. It really makes my day.	One of the planets in our solar system is called Saturn. It is 700 times larger than the earth, but it is less dense than water. So, if you had a bath tub large enough, it would float. But of course, it would leave a ring around the tub.	There once was a gentleman whose parents named him "odd." Growing up he had all sorts of problems being teased about his name, and eventually came to hate it. He married, had kids and lived a relatively normal life. When he grew old and was nearing death, he asked his wife and kids not to put his name on his tombstone. He died and, after some discussion, his family decided to honor that wish. Now, when people walk by his grave and notice a headstone with no name, they shake their heads and say, "That's odd."	3 drunk men get into a taxi the driver sees that they are inebriated and turns the ignition on and off again, than says "We have reached your destination." One man pays him the second thanks him and the third slaps him. Surprised by this and thinking the third drunk knows his trick he ask "What was that for?" The third man says "Watch your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"	You know what's odd? Every other number.
How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it.	Someone just walked in and ask me, what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question, and left.	What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid.	The meaning of opaque is unclear...	You matter! Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared... then you energy.
My friend told me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" because it was annoying. I laughed because I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face.	Who designed king Arthur's round table? Circumference.	What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium.	I'm trying to make chemistry jokes... But I get no reaction.	Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting tomatoes in fruit salad, and philosophy is wondering if ketchup is a smoothie.
We must run, Tom said swiftly.	That prisoner is sliding down a rope, Tom said condescendingly.	I'm chilled, Tom said icily.	I love hotdogs, Tom said with relish.	That's the last time I'll reach into a crocodile's mouth, Tom said offhandedly.
What did the cat do after he lost his tail? He went to the retail store.	What Forest Gumps wifi password? 1forest1.	A dyslexic poet writes inverse.	Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.	How many Germans does it take to fix a light bulb? One, because they're efficient and not very funny.
What kind of fish is made from only two sodium atoms? 2 Na	How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized (un-ionized, union-ized).	6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9 but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.	A guy gave his sad friend 10 puns hoping one would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.	Eyelashes are supposed to keep things out of your eyes, but whenever there's something in my eye it's always an eyelash. How eyeronic.
The invention of the shovel was truly ground breaking, but the invention of the broom is what really swept us away. Please, the invention of the wheel is what really got things rolling!	I purchased my pistol from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer.	I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet but I don't know Y.	A dozen, a gross, and a score plus three times the square root of four divided by seven plus five times eleven equals nine squared and not a bit more.	54, 208, 305 Take from the mean the cubed value of five Take the cubed root and then Square the value again At that point you could learn to drive.
Why don't football players use a basketball? Well actually they could, but there would be no point to it.	I'm trimming my own hair, Tom said evenly.	What do you get when you cross a peanut with an elephant? Peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.	What did the ship captain do when he lost his propulsion system? He found one that was on sail.	Do you know how to identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.
RIP boiled water. You will be mist.	Bad puns. That's how eye roll.	Waldo wears a stripped shirt because he doesn't want to be spotted.	In English class I learned that using a double negative is a no-no.	They asked the turkey to join the band because he had the drum sticks.
Why did Star Wars movies 4, 5, & 6 come before movies 1, 2, & 3? Because of in charge of directing Yoda was.	Tonight I am going to use my time machine to make some changes in the past. You will know that I was successful if Germany loses WWII and Tuesday comes before Wednesday...	I like sidewalks. They keep me off the streets.	I make corny chemistry jokes, but only periodically.	Seven days without a pun makes one week.
What do you call a dinosaur with a huge vocabulary? A therasaurus.	You can't run through a campground. You can only ran, because it is past tents.	What did the tie say to the hat? I'll hang around, you go on ahead.	What happened shortly after Sam and Ella got married? They got food poisoning.	Someome was running a flea circus, but a dog came along and stole the show.
Please write on my tombstone, "Not appreciating my puns in life was a grave mistake."	April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.	If two is company and three is a crowd, what are four and five? Nine	If you threw a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become? Wet.	There once was a young boy named Cid Who thought he knew more then he did He thought that a shark would turn tail if you bark So he swam out to try it, poor kid
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.	Any salad can be a Caesar Salad if you stab it enough.	Remember kids, the only difference between messing around and science is writing it down!	How much dirt do you have to put in the ocean to make a new country? None, apparently you just need to throw in a few boxes of tea.	.
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