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Once again I was called to jury duty, and once again I was not selected to serve. I would like to see the legal system from the other side but, given my background, I suspect that just isn't going to happen. If the defense attorney doesn't strike me (thinking I am "pro-prosecution") the prosecuting attorney will strike me (knowing that only cases with marginal evidence make it to trial and thinking that I know what good evidence looks like). But, while sitting through a 5 hour selection process, I did learn a few things. Well over half of the panel of jury candidates had experienced some sort of violence in their family that required police intervention. That was unexpected and surprising. And I was simply amazed at the "weenie excuses" some of the potential jurors offered in order to be excused. If jury duty paid a thousand per day, the composition of juries would change dramatically.

We have been living in the middle of an ant freeway. I don't have any idea what triggers migrations in those species, but here are a few that Barbara stepped on crossing our front porch. Fortunately, they have yet to venture inside our dwelling.

I cannot wait for that silly dog of ours to outgrow "puppyhood." Here are the results when he decided the doormat was superfluous. I'm sure I couldn't do that well with my pocket knife--maybe with a machete, or a lawnmower!

Barbara coddles that dog, so we had to take him with us to the camp out ("He might get scared if we leave him home..."). Traveling with a whining dog is reminiscent of traveling with children--except that children are more responsive to threats. (*Dad spoils him just as bad, but just in different ways.)

We both enjoyed the camp out. It's fun seeing and visiting with everyone. (Our Grandkids are so smart & cute! They are so fun to be around, and to see how much they have learned and grown since we've last seen them. We REALLY miss those of you who weren't able to come! Maybe one time soon you'll be able to come.

And kids are kids, no matter in what circumstance they find themselves. (I couldn't resist taking Armand's photo!)

As always, the food was great.

I think the idea of skipping lunches worked out okay. I, for one, still ate too much.

Perhaps there were some growing children who would have liked to have eaten more, but I doubt it... (These chicken strips were soooo good. I asked one of the cooks [Wyatt] what they did differently from the earlier batches. He said they took the leftover pancake batter and mixed it in the batter they coated the chicken with. I think it was some of the best chicken strips I've ever eaten... I'm so proud of the many really good cooks that are in our family.)

Compton finally calmed down enough to allow kids to approach him. After that, with all the little hands feeding him, he probably ate more than the rest of us. He didn't get sick on the way home, but was lethargic for three days after arriving home. (Here it is a week later, and He's still turning up his nose at what was once his favorite treat... Beggin' Strips!)

KD brought her "Romantic Interest" named Jared-- tall gentleman who didn't have much to say. I regret now that I did not call on him for a joke. (and yes, he has a brother...). Barbara, found out that he once lived about an hour or so away from her in the Tri-Cities in Washington State. He even knew the town of Harrah that she grew up.

Did I mention that Barbara likes taking pictures of grandkids? (Piper and Brie befriended the little girl (on the left), from the next campsite.)

I was a little surprise when Karren came with Jim, and more than a little surprised when Jim elected to stay overnight. Their flat tire the next day when they were leaving was a bit worrisome, but it turned out alright.

Speaking of jokes, our session didn't go exactly as I envisioned it. I anticipated more structure, with one story per person.

What transpired was that the joke tellers in the group talked, and most others listened.

I guess that worked out okay. I just wasn't prepared for people to identify a story and then ask me to relate it. I mangled most of the ones I tried to retrieve from memory, and so, to set the record straight (and because I have run out of things to blather about), I will correct some of them here.

A Polynesian King was experiencing difficulties governing his people. One of his councilors suggested that the problem might be that the King lived differently than his subjects. But, the only substantial difference was that the King sat on a magnificent, ornate throne. So, the King stored his throne in the attic, and sat on a grass mat like the rest of his countrymen. That night, a tempest arose and its' strong winds shook the King's house. This caused the throne in the attic to fall through the grass ceiling. It landed squarely on the King and killed him. And the moral of this story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

A small, nondescript order of Italian Friars maintained a tiny chapel that had a steeple containing an old, old bell. This bell was rung twice daily to call the local populous to morning and evening devotionals. One day the structure supporting the old bell broke. The Friars cast about for a way to repair it, but since they took their vow of poverty seriously, they simply didn't have the resources. Two of the friars were gifted at growing plants, so they decided to open a flower shop. They were wildly successful, and soon had sufficient money to repair the bell tower, which they did. Success is hard to give up, and the friars continued this commercial venture until they threatened to bankrupt all the other flower shops in the region. The soon-to-be ruined businessmen got together and sent a delegation to the friars asking them to cease and desist, but this was to no avail. Then they sent a second delegation consisting of their wives, and children, begging for relief--again without results. As a last resort, the flower shop owner's association contracted with a Mister Hugo Strombolli. Mr. Strombolli was a huge man, and he had hair on his knuckles, except where they dragged on the ground. You get the picture... Mr. Strombolli paid the Friars a visit and explained the desperate situation the flower shop owner's association faced. He also ruffled the Friars hair and rearranged their shop a bit. He left without doing any real damage, but promised to return the following Monday for a less cordial visit if their their shop was still open. After considering their options, the friars decided to end their ventures, and gave away their remaining stock. And the moral of this story is that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist Friars.

Luke and Obi-Won were in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Obi-Won deftly manipulated his chopsticks with the ease you would expect from a Jedi Master, but poor Luke had an absolut nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table,. and eventually all over himself himself. Obi-Won looked at Luke disapprovingly and said, "Use the FORKS, Luke."

It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina, savoring a few brews aboard his boat, patriotically named the "Fourth of July." He was waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive for their planned fishing trip. Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from her appointment with her obstetrics doctor. Her health care was discounted, because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin. The appointment went long, and Opie was late getting to the marina. Luke had spent the time imbibing freely, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the side of the boat, waved to his friend, lost his balance, and nearly fell overboard. Opie dropped all his gear and by sprinting, arrived just in time to grab Luke. Thus, it was that O.B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dockside of the Fourth.

Tired of being constantly broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her "bumped off." A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with "Artie," a semi-retired mob hit man. Artie explained to the husband that the going price for snuffing out a spouse was five thousand dollars. The husband agreed to that amount, but said that he couldn't pay anything until after the insurance settlement. Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front, so the man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and after muttering some unflattering things about "the younger generation," reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie surprised the wife in the produce department of a local grocery store and strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, a stock clerk stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses, Artie strangled him too. Unfortunately for Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by newly installed video surveillance cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was arrested before he could leave the parking lot and under intense questioning at the police station, revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. Police departments have a difficulty containing sensational information and this case soon leaked to the press. But newspapers rarely get all their fact right, and this time was no exception. Instead of the front page, this story ran in the food section under the headline read: "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY."

A panda bear went into a lounge, sat down at a table, and ordered a meal, the whole time watching the piano player. The meal came and the panda ate it, all the time watching the piano player. Then the panda got up, went over to the piano player, shot him, and started out the door. The bartender stopped the panda and yelled, "Why did you do that?" The panda said, "look it up," and went on out the door. After calling 911, the bartender opened his dictionary to panda, and read,"a white and black, bear like animal found in central Asia, facing extinction, eats shoots and leaves."

Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens in Transylvania. They were driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone. Bob carefully picks up his wife and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light in the distance. He heads toward the light, which is coming from an old, quite large mansion. He approaches the heavily carved French doors and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife, Betty. "We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor, though. Come in and I will get him." Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor, I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest hospital, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries; so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' death upsets Igor's master greatly. Wearily he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's hand twitch. Stunned, he watched as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master, "Master, Master!!...........The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!"

In the early 1800's, a team of German missionaries and their three dogs were sent to establish a mission in the Central American jungle. After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Inca town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye. The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks, three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments. Each time, he screamed so loud that he sent the dogs running for cover. And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down. The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He called a meeting of his top commanders, and all agreed that the Friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing. "But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation we're dead. But we better make sure to put the dogs away, because you know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."

The psychiatrist's receptionist went to her boss and said, "Doctor, there's a man in the office who thinks he's invisible." The psychiatrist replied, "Tell him I can't see him."

BONUS!        Three guys go out one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.       The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Grand Canyon College and I believe in a higher power to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure someone doesn't want this guy to die, so they let him go.       The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Arizona School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.       As the last one is being strapped in he points up and and say's "I'm an ASU Sun Devil Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

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